Cloaked in Life and Death: Re-Surfacing From the Loss of a Father.

Abstract

For my son this is and will be part of his life story. His mates will have had dads that take them to sports, give them advice, and tinker with cars, boats, or bikes.

My son’s story is final. His dad died when he was 12 years old. Final. End of story. No lingering in the shed, finishing tightening that screw when dinner is ready. No hope of reunion. No secret savings under the mattress to join dad on a trip to Australia. No father with whom to share his eighteenth birthday. No father to be with him at his 21st, a birthday that is celebrated with family and friends in New Zealand.

How best to assist him in his loneliness, his sadness, his fears, his withdrawals, his anger, his acceptance, and in his journey to becoming a man? With this in mind, we arrive in the office of his family doctor to meet another counselor. He has recommended that this woman will not waffle. That is what I am hoping for along with a wish that she will get us. She is on trial: will she be trustworthy enough that I can share my sadness with her? Will Connor respond? Will she help him? Will this process stir up more pain than he can bear or will these conversations give us the bridge that we need to pass beyond where we both now find ourselves?